So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Did we literally take a cab across the street
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
