I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
