At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
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