I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize