she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
