if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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