My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
