Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
