Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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