I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
