So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize