I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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