i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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