So is it bad that I'm using this 21 year old for his hot bod and utter naivety?
No its what 21 year olds are made for
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
