I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
3pm strippers are depressing
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
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