i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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