so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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