What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
