Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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