I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
