come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
