your parents love me but you hate me
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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