i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
