I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
