did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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