I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
