I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
