The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
