Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
