She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
