Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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