Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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