Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
