1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
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