is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
The uberlube is also flammable
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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