idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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