It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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