there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
