Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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