my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
