Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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