I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
