Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
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