if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
