Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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