i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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