I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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