I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
