i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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