Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Randomize
