Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
