hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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