Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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