Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Randomize
