There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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