Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Randomize
