Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize