This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
