dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
