yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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