so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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