i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
