This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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