Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Randomize
