Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
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