oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I just got carded by a ten year old.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
