She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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