Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I need a beard to bite.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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