Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
