I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
