$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
