i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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