I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Randomize
