so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Randomize
