you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Fuck appropriateness.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
It's never too late to be topless.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
