You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
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