this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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