something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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