New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
