You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
