we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Your cock deserves a montage
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
