my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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