I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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