sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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