Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
i will never coherently bang her
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Randomize
