Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
