Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
