I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
