Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Randomize
