Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I will be naked everywhere
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
