He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
