Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Randomize
