think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
