it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Randomize
