the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
