Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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